Abandoned Pieces

I called to talk to you and got Moon Mamma.

We spoke and she let me know how good or not so good she's been doing. She told me about Small Moon.
I gave support.

She made a comment to me about the fact that you weren't hooked on using your computer all the time now. She said it with attitude, as if to tell me that she'd gotten you to stop using it, as an end to an addictive behavior. Although, sometimes it has seemed that way to me as well, I told her it was also important that you wrote.

To that comment she humphed.

My own interpretation of that exchange was that she thought whatever you were doing with the computer, writing your stories and what not, was junk, crap, not worth her own spit.

I didn't have the wherewithal to know what my feelings were at that moment, beyond my own feelings of the importance of the written feeling, which I shared with her, to say anything else to her. She did make it sound as if she'd put you in the space you are in, with not having gotten online to check your mail, from what seems like forever. And that by doing so, your support for and of me has been lost.

I know you have called a few times, but they were both pretty short. They do count, for sure.

I was taken aback by her mode.
Nothing to be done really. You aren't keeping in contact with me now. Even though you are aware that something has been going on, and that I have shared it with you via e-mail's, cause I told you. That fact in and of it's self don't make me feel to good. Not very loved. More like left in the dust, forgotten ... again. Or you in your cave, again as well.
I am just writing to share. Maybe I should stop. I don't know.

I do know that I have been scared and doing my best at dealing head on with some life long shit, that had to be faced at one time or another. And I am choosing to do it while both my folks are still alive. Because that was the goal, when I was 17. Didn't think it would take me this long. But oh well, it did.

I've done a good job of pushing you away in my mind, or my Mind has done a good job of pushing you away and making me feel as I did before we met. But I am dealing head on with my Dad. Very scary. And like you and your kids, I've been going in the opposite direction to find comfort and step-Dad's, like you with step-kids.

My gut is telling me that we are in the same space right now. You don't have anything to give to me, nor I to you. Except I guess I do, since I have been writing to you. And I am not going to pull any of them back out of your mail box, you'll get these, all of them. And you have called, even if short.

I've decided I will continue to write you with the spirit that I know is between us. That thing.

Had a good session with Shrink. But got totally overwhelmed in the heat. Just chill'n now.


Goodnight.
Love,
Pieces of Parts

ps: If I hadn't been as overwhelmed by the heat, when I was talking to Moon Mamma, I would have told her, or reminded her that you don't have a phone. And that one of the major ways that you and I keep in touch, while you are on the road, is via the computer. That there is a practical use for it.
I got the feeling she was talking about her own addictive behavior towards the computer, really. And never mind that you happen to have a life connected to another soul. Or is it? Maybe your now taking care of Small Moon, her daughter, and now you have another family to take care of.
Well, by golly, it could make some more sense couldn't it!?!
Fuck.


***
Weeks Later:

keep writing baby. I pay attention and I do care. you are right about many things. perhaps I AM a bit too like your father, but then again that is what you would look for naturally right?
I love you regardless.