SHUT OUT NOW Meditation
Feeling Shut Out?
Go into my NOW from there.
The deafening silence takes over.
Not a word spoken.
Not a returned comment.
Silence is the Lover now.
Stay present.
Stay in this space.
Feel it.
Go into my NOW from there.
The rocks outside the cave have fallen in front of the caves entrance. Again.
Silence.
Deadening silence.
Safety for the one inside the cave.
Silence and the feeling of a BIG HAND open wide, spread fingers across my chest screaming at me to: STAY OUT.
I can't move. Can't take a peek inside, it would be violating the "need" of the other, on the inside end. But oh my god, the silence of SHUT OUT is deadening. And blunt.
Stay within that hard feeling. Stay within that hard KNOWING. KNOW it. FEEL IT.
Let it wrap around me. WEAR IT. KNOW IT!
Go into my NOW from there.
OWN IT!!!
Why is it coming at me SO HARD. AGAIN! With such POWER. STAY OUT PIECES. There is no place for you in here, with me or otherwise. STAY OUT.
Why is it so strong? Why does it come to me yet again?
What is my lesson here? What IS the mirror?
Do I tell others to STAY AWAY?
Is my cave's entrance that SHUT OUT?
Do I give them not one small space to peek into, to see me even cause they love and care for and about me?
Do I do this, and is it only coming right back to me???
Such a question to myself, makes me cry. So it must be true.
He (She / They) are mirroring what I do and what I was taught, and what I thought I needed to do.
Where do I know it from? My upbringing.
They shut me out. And I learned from them to do the same. And I did it to stay safe. I needed boundaries, where I felt there were none.
And while in it, I was very safe and could breath. I needed to in order to do my work.
And in my way of thinking, I had a chance to do my thing - Live MY Life.
I have been attracting what I know. And now that I am aware of such patterns, I am now seeing them in the ones closest to me. and NOW it is my turn to feel the POWER OF BEING SHUT OUT!
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
Devastating. Isolating. No help can be offered. No support. Love can't be shared. Nothing.
Do I like this? Do I like to be shut out, especially by a grown person who has the words to describe the smallest of things of whim.
I DO NOT LIKE IT.
it is NOT loving.
I feel left out, pushed back and far far FAR out.
Put in My Place. No place. Just OUT.
Not good enough, nor helpful, nor apart of, nor intertwined in something that's a gift.
This is NO GIFT.
This is OLD and too much of what I already KNOW.
Something is lost, and I am letting go of other pieces.
Feelings are falling down into a drain. Pieces of trust are leaving me.
I must also keep myself safe!!
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
I understand now.
The reactions of the others, when I have come out of my cave.
They are distant. And I must regain their trust.
Then again, at some point in time, I have gone back..... gone to the sanctuary of my Cave. Shut the entrance HARD, and SHUT THEM ALL THE HELL ON OUT.
Only to relive the pattern again, and again, and yet again. And because they "love me" they take me back.
But some have not and they have gone.
Stay in my NOW. Feel this feeling. Own it. Be within it. Stay here.
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
If I have done it to others, and they to me, where have I done it to myself?
For years and years my Dearest Pieces. I shut me out by getting numb. Thru lots of sex, and rock'n roll. Thru not being present, thru living others lives and not my own, thru ANGER and RESENTMENTS, thru eating and it's hiding. NOT doing my Art. I've shut my very own self out, hiding her from my very own self !!
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
I don't like any of this. I don't want to do it anymore. To others, to me, or from others that most certainly come to me in the purest of CHOICE. Can I not find better ways of getting my personal boundaries met? Haven't I been working on learning the words of our human language, in order to express my inner most feelings? Haven't I?
What is the work for, if not then to use it, to help my NOW Being survive differently.
I will only know what to do at the very moment in time, when I feel like running to my cave faster than the speed of sound. And in there, owning my own habit. Feeling it. KNOWING that what is being given to me at this present moment, is only something old I did to another, finding it's way back to me.
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
I am changing and rearranging, and have already started to not SHUT OUT.
And therefore, and because of: I NOW feel the shut outs even more profoundly.
Staying present is my savior and my guide.
Knowing that my feelings are really mine and I have the right to feel them, and be within them, I'll find the words to express them. And those words found, will help me to form my boundaries, so that Shutting Out, is no longer the desired space to be in, while trying to Live MY Own Life.
And it will not come back to me anymore.
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
Pieces of Parts
Go into my NOW from there.
The deafening silence takes over.
Not a word spoken.
Not a returned comment.
Silence is the Lover now.
Stay present.
Stay in this space.
Feel it.
Go into my NOW from there.
The rocks outside the cave have fallen in front of the caves entrance. Again.
Silence.
Deadening silence.
Safety for the one inside the cave.
Silence and the feeling of a BIG HAND open wide, spread fingers across my chest screaming at me to: STAY OUT.
I can't move. Can't take a peek inside, it would be violating the "need" of the other, on the inside end. But oh my god, the silence of SHUT OUT is deadening. And blunt.
Stay within that hard feeling. Stay within that hard KNOWING. KNOW it. FEEL IT.
Let it wrap around me. WEAR IT. KNOW IT!
Go into my NOW from there.
OWN IT!!!
Why is it coming at me SO HARD. AGAIN! With such POWER. STAY OUT PIECES. There is no place for you in here, with me or otherwise. STAY OUT.
Why is it so strong? Why does it come to me yet again?
What is my lesson here? What IS the mirror?
Do I tell others to STAY AWAY?
Is my cave's entrance that SHUT OUT?
Do I give them not one small space to peek into, to see me even cause they love and care for and about me?
Do I do this, and is it only coming right back to me???
Such a question to myself, makes me cry. So it must be true.
He (She / They) are mirroring what I do and what I was taught, and what I thought I needed to do.
Where do I know it from? My upbringing.
They shut me out. And I learned from them to do the same. And I did it to stay safe. I needed boundaries, where I felt there were none.
And while in it, I was very safe and could breath. I needed to in order to do my work.
And in my way of thinking, I had a chance to do my thing - Live MY Life.
I have been attracting what I know. And now that I am aware of such patterns, I am now seeing them in the ones closest to me. and NOW it is my turn to feel the POWER OF BEING SHUT OUT!
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
Devastating. Isolating. No help can be offered. No support. Love can't be shared. Nothing.
Do I like this? Do I like to be shut out, especially by a grown person who has the words to describe the smallest of things of whim.
I DO NOT LIKE IT.
it is NOT loving.
I feel left out, pushed back and far far FAR out.
Put in My Place. No place. Just OUT.
Not good enough, nor helpful, nor apart of, nor intertwined in something that's a gift.
This is NO GIFT.
This is OLD and too much of what I already KNOW.
Something is lost, and I am letting go of other pieces.
Feelings are falling down into a drain. Pieces of trust are leaving me.
I must also keep myself safe!!
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
I understand now.
The reactions of the others, when I have come out of my cave.
They are distant. And I must regain their trust.
Then again, at some point in time, I have gone back..... gone to the sanctuary of my Cave. Shut the entrance HARD, and SHUT THEM ALL THE HELL ON OUT.
Only to relive the pattern again, and again, and yet again. And because they "love me" they take me back.
But some have not and they have gone.
Stay in my NOW. Feel this feeling. Own it. Be within it. Stay here.
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
If I have done it to others, and they to me, where have I done it to myself?
For years and years my Dearest Pieces. I shut me out by getting numb. Thru lots of sex, and rock'n roll. Thru not being present, thru living others lives and not my own, thru ANGER and RESENTMENTS, thru eating and it's hiding. NOT doing my Art. I've shut my very own self out, hiding her from my very own self !!
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
I don't like any of this. I don't want to do it anymore. To others, to me, or from others that most certainly come to me in the purest of CHOICE. Can I not find better ways of getting my personal boundaries met? Haven't I been working on learning the words of our human language, in order to express my inner most feelings? Haven't I?
What is the work for, if not then to use it, to help my NOW Being survive differently.
I will only know what to do at the very moment in time, when I feel like running to my cave faster than the speed of sound. And in there, owning my own habit. Feeling it. KNOWING that what is being given to me at this present moment, is only something old I did to another, finding it's way back to me.
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
I am changing and rearranging, and have already started to not SHUT OUT.
And therefore, and because of: I NOW feel the shut outs even more profoundly.
Staying present is my savior and my guide.
Knowing that my feelings are really mine and I have the right to feel them, and be within them, I'll find the words to express them. And those words found, will help me to form my boundaries, so that Shutting Out, is no longer the desired space to be in, while trying to Live MY Own Life.
And it will not come back to me anymore.
OWN IT PIECES, OWN IT!!!!
Pieces of Parts
posted by Pieces Of Parts at Thursday, November 24, 2005
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