FINALLY MY FEELINGS have WORDS!
A letter to ALL my "Boyfriends."
" I have been real about my feelings and my desires, if you went other places with them then dont blame me. "
As stated above your quote here. You helped me to go to other places. You knew I was in them other spaces, and had been. I have been as real about my feelings and my desires as you.
I sent you MY feelings Biker. Wasn't trying to sound as if I was blaming you for my feeling as I do. I take full ownership of them all.
A part of me was very satisfied with what you chose to give to me, when that was gone, then there was nothing. I haven't been getting much out of our relationship, friendship alone or otherwise, for quite some time now. I was getting more of everything from folks I don't even know that well, in comparison to what we, together had been deeming to be our own love affair or mixed up friendship.
What you chose to give to me, and what is and has been gone.
You supporting me.
Talking to me,
Sharing your days with me.
Sharing your written words with me.
Sharing your photography with me.
Sharing your intimate feelings with me.
This is the first e-mail you have sent to me in just ages!!!
Whether it was Boyfriend syndrome or Intimate friendship syndrome, it was better than what I've ever gotten before. So it was a lot. Without any one of those things, there is just nothing. It just became same.
Then I felt like a storage unit, that was free.
Then I felt like a sounding board for when you felt lonely and unwanted by others.
Then I felt like a free place to stay, cause ya had no money or other offerings.
Then I felt like just a voice on the other end of the phone line.
Then I felt left out of everything that was important to you.
Then I felt that everyone was way more important than me, and you couldn't talk or share any feelings what so ever with me, which is what you gave to me on our very first day of meeting.
And then there was just really nothing.
I didn't want to be buttered up cause you were passing thru town on your way to your real destination.
I didn't want to be just a stop over.
I didn't want to be just a laundry mat.
And I didn't want to be just any ol fuck.
But I did. And I have been feeling that way, more and more since you came back from MS.
It's raw, but that is what I have been feeling like, with next to nothing coming to me, from you, that I wanted. With seemingly you, still getting from me what you wanted and needed. In the end, I have been feeling like a free storage unit, and nothing more, not even a friend, and certainly not a lover of any sort.
With all of that nothingness, you then tell me about NewNorth.
So there is even more of nothing for me now. And that is the space where I have been in, facing my very own hurt feelings, and trying to move thru them, differently.
Pieces of Parts
" I have been real about my feelings and my desires, if you went other places with them then dont blame me. "
As stated above your quote here. You helped me to go to other places. You knew I was in them other spaces, and had been. I have been as real about my feelings and my desires as you.
I sent you MY feelings Biker. Wasn't trying to sound as if I was blaming you for my feeling as I do. I take full ownership of them all.
A part of me was very satisfied with what you chose to give to me, when that was gone, then there was nothing. I haven't been getting much out of our relationship, friendship alone or otherwise, for quite some time now. I was getting more of everything from folks I don't even know that well, in comparison to what we, together had been deeming to be our own love affair or mixed up friendship.
What you chose to give to me, and what is and has been gone.
You supporting me.
Talking to me,
Sharing your days with me.
Sharing your written words with me.
Sharing your photography with me.
Sharing your intimate feelings with me.
This is the first e-mail you have sent to me in just ages!!!
Whether it was Boyfriend syndrome or Intimate friendship syndrome, it was better than what I've ever gotten before. So it was a lot. Without any one of those things, there is just nothing. It just became same.
Then I felt like a storage unit, that was free.
Then I felt like a sounding board for when you felt lonely and unwanted by others.
Then I felt like a free place to stay, cause ya had no money or other offerings.
Then I felt like just a voice on the other end of the phone line.
Then I felt left out of everything that was important to you.
Then I felt that everyone was way more important than me, and you couldn't talk or share any feelings what so ever with me, which is what you gave to me on our very first day of meeting.
And then there was just really nothing.
I didn't want to be buttered up cause you were passing thru town on your way to your real destination.
I didn't want to be just a stop over.
I didn't want to be just a laundry mat.
And I didn't want to be just any ol fuck.
But I did. And I have been feeling that way, more and more since you came back from MS.
It's raw, but that is what I have been feeling like, with next to nothing coming to me, from you, that I wanted. With seemingly you, still getting from me what you wanted and needed. In the end, I have been feeling like a free storage unit, and nothing more, not even a friend, and certainly not a lover of any sort.
With all of that nothingness, you then tell me about NewNorth.
So there is even more of nothing for me now. And that is the space where I have been in, facing my very own hurt feelings, and trying to move thru them, differently.
Pieces of Parts
posted by Pieces Of Parts at Friday, December 23, 2005
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