Own Your Own Piece of the Part
Good morning
I don't understand how Blue Mountain could have gotten my email address out of thin air but, if you say you never requested the card -- then it was never requested. Neither my email address or home address have changed ... don't know why your cards are being sent back to you as non-deliverable.
Pieces, in reading your email, I was happy to see you recognized how our relationship had not been a healthy one for many years. With both of us not wanting to say anything about it (reasons disclosed) it was only a matter of time before we came to this. Which is fine. It's better than continuing in the direction we were going for so many years.
I am going to say something to you and, I'm not sure you will keep in contact with me afterwards but, here goes. I speak to help, not to hurt. I read your email and realized after all I wrote, you still went back and made the excuse for everything by blaming your parents for the way you are. You know what? You are a 100 year old woman and you need to stop blaming your parents and just take responsibility for your own actions and CHANGE. So your parents never taught you certain things, or didn't give you certain things, or your mother drilled her birthday into memory so now you don't celebrate anyone else's .... come on! You know what's right and what's wrong, no? You are a mature woman -- pull from your heart and gut and do what you are supposed to be doing. Consistanting blaming your parents gives you the excuse to continue to be who you are. Progress? Yes, you make progress however, do you notice that your progress always comes with a very high price connected to your parents? May I make a suggestion? Stop analyzing and just DO. Think ACTION. Who the hell is around to tell you not to? You are in charge of your own life -- your parents job was done when you became 18 years of age. Take CONTROL and demand from YOURSELF what is going to make you happy and make your relationships (with men and women) healthy.
I would like to move forward and strengthen our friendship slowly, if you are still willing. The holidays are upon us and life for me this time of year becomes extremely hectic. Please, take the time to think about what I have said and, let me know if you would like to move forward. In the meantime, many blessings to you for a balanced, secure/healthy and happy life. I know you can have it Pieces. I know you can.
Love to you NYC Sister of Long Ago
-------------------\-------------/---------@
Dearest NYC Sister of Long Ago,
Blue Mountain did not get your email out of thin air. It was on file in my accounts Address Book, because I had sent you ecards before. Having not authorized anyone to do that, I have now canceled that account permanently because of this fiasco.
I put the real card I did send you, that was returned to me, back into the mail and sent it to your jobs address.
I have responded several times to your last email to me. I have rewritten my response over and over again so that I may find out, from within me, my own real feelings about the situation we find ourselves in right now. And not do as I have done in the past with such letters as the one you just wrote me.
At first like anyone else, I was pist at the way you wrote your feelings out to me. And then I reread it and saw my truths about myself I am TOTALLY aware of. And have already been, long time since, working with and healing from. And then I read your letter again, and then another time, and another few times more. All with new responses to each reading. With each one, getting me closer to my own personal feelings.
The main feeling I keep getting over and over again, is that the real truth of our "friendship" is that it has been 100 years since I last saw you. I have not been in your physical presence, nor yours in mine, at any time during all of our communications, after finding you again about 1999 or so. Our chats have either been on the phone, or most of the time in e-mail form.
Between all that was going on when we first hooked up again, your job situation at that time, TeddyBear and my own stuff, nothing ever really happened, where we actually physically got together. I think that, for me anyways, that has been a bit of a problem, that grew into a sore spot.
So in one way that I see it, is all we really had to go by was our OLD relationship of long long ago. Which didn't allow me, for example, to actually FEEL your grownup-ness. We just seemed to start where we left off, all those many years ago. Which wasn't really working for either one of us in our present states of being. But we also had nothing new to go by.
The fact of never having hooked up, not even for an after work dinner or a cup of java over a weekend, did not sit with me very well. Soon I got the feeling that you were not interested in hooking up at all with me. So your comments about us having more to talk about then my problems, seemed contradictory to your non actions taken.
If we had gotten the chance for an easy meet-up, we could have had the chance to talk about other things then what we had been, along with finally making physical contact after all the years that had passed us by. And then too, we could have even found out if we really liked each other now, or if things were better off left as they had been.
Instead you seemed overwhelmingly interested in taking a vacation trip together, and there seemed no way to talk about doing anything easier and cheaper, with you. Then the planning of the vacation hit another sore spot for both of us, another unhealthy angle, and well it became yet another mess. All done via e-mail's for the most part. Causing total misunderstandings and assumptions on both our parts. And as I saw it, since there was no real friendship in the Now, and nothing but our own preconceived notions about one another, we were doomed.
All this being said, there wasn't much of a bases, in my opinion, for much of anything between us to be healthy. We hadn't even started off healthy. And a real truth is that each of us, within our very own relationship have a very unhealthy role to play in it. My old habit of Victim and your old habit of Care Giver. That is in my opinion, the REAL bases for our unhealthiness.
Your choice to continually send me cards after years of not getting them from me, I see as being your choice alone. And in my opinion whether I send not one person a card or one person a card, or even 1,000 cards out to that many folks, doesn't make me a bad person. Nor does you sending cards every year to the people you want to send them to, make you the greatest friend on the planet. It has been your choice all these years to keep sending them, when you knew you'd more than likely not get anything from me. I will not take responsibility for your choice, in doing so over and over and over again.
And in that same space, I will take responsibility for my continued actions of responding to your emails of inquiry, with long winded, overwhelming emotional situations that were unnecessary to share with you, or anyone else under those circumstances. That IS the way in-which I learned what intimacy was. What closeness was between two people. It is all I knew how to do, and it was what I did, with everyone I deemed a close friend. I have since learned I have choice and that there are other forms of intimacy that are far more healthy. I did say this in my letter to you in response to your first contacting me, after your getting the ecard. I'm saying it now, again, in a different form that you might understand better. Either way, I will only own my very own part. And I will not spend the rest of my time trying to prove to you how much I have grown in a healthier manner.
I speak about the things that are important to me. Connections and their patterns, where they come from, and how to find answers within them. That is who I am. I do my best to be clear and make choices that share my present feelings with the people in my life. I do not, and will not try to be someone I am not, in order to help someone feel more comfortable around me. If they like me as I am, they make their own choice to stay. If they don't like me, so be it, they were a gift and surely brought to me an insight or two while around me, for how ever long they were near. But I do tend to call things as I see them. And try very hard to own my own stuff, while not taking on what is not mine.
We've been in an old and very unhealthy dance all this time. We are both doing the best we can in each of our lives. I don't expect you to be anything but who you are. But telling me how you think I should be or act or behave as a persons friend or otherwise, or even demanding it of me, is not a friendship I am going to be choosing to be within or live up to. I'm done with all of that.
I am who and how I am. When I learn better and get more insights to the taught behaviors of my upbringing, I do better and am healthier for the insights found. But that is who and how I look at things. And if that is not something you want to hear about, in making exchanges with me as part of building up a healthy friendship, then I say Thank you for having been in my life as you so have been. I have learned a lot. And I will ALWAYS hold you dear to my heart. I will continue to Love Buggy as my brother. I will love your Mother for how she treated me and let me into your family, when my own was pretty hard to take.
I wish you well as always and forever.
Everything happens for reasons, and we are where we are supposed to be.
Thank you NYC Sister of Long Ago.
Take Care and stay healthy, wealthy and oh so wise!
Love you forever, and always....
Pieces of Parts
"We must be the change we wish to see."
- Gandhi
I don't understand how Blue Mountain could have gotten my email address out of thin air but, if you say you never requested the card -- then it was never requested. Neither my email address or home address have changed ... don't know why your cards are being sent back to you as non-deliverable.
Pieces, in reading your email, I was happy to see you recognized how our relationship had not been a healthy one for many years. With both of us not wanting to say anything about it (reasons disclosed) it was only a matter of time before we came to this. Which is fine. It's better than continuing in the direction we were going for so many years.
I am going to say something to you and, I'm not sure you will keep in contact with me afterwards but, here goes. I speak to help, not to hurt. I read your email and realized after all I wrote, you still went back and made the excuse for everything by blaming your parents for the way you are. You know what? You are a 100 year old woman and you need to stop blaming your parents and just take responsibility for your own actions and CHANGE. So your parents never taught you certain things, or didn't give you certain things, or your mother drilled her birthday into memory so now you don't celebrate anyone else's .... come on! You know what's right and what's wrong, no? You are a mature woman -- pull from your heart and gut and do what you are supposed to be doing. Consistanting blaming your parents gives you the excuse to continue to be who you are. Progress? Yes, you make progress however, do you notice that your progress always comes with a very high price connected to your parents? May I make a suggestion? Stop analyzing and just DO. Think ACTION. Who the hell is around to tell you not to? You are in charge of your own life -- your parents job was done when you became 18 years of age. Take CONTROL and demand from YOURSELF what is going to make you happy and make your relationships (with men and women) healthy.
I would like to move forward and strengthen our friendship slowly, if you are still willing. The holidays are upon us and life for me this time of year becomes extremely hectic. Please, take the time to think about what I have said and, let me know if you would like to move forward. In the meantime, many blessings to you for a balanced, secure/healthy and happy life. I know you can have it Pieces. I know you can.
Love to you NYC Sister of Long Ago
-------------------\-------------/---------@
Dearest NYC Sister of Long Ago,
Blue Mountain did not get your email out of thin air. It was on file in my accounts Address Book, because I had sent you ecards before. Having not authorized anyone to do that, I have now canceled that account permanently because of this fiasco.
I put the real card I did send you, that was returned to me, back into the mail and sent it to your jobs address.
I have responded several times to your last email to me. I have rewritten my response over and over again so that I may find out, from within me, my own real feelings about the situation we find ourselves in right now. And not do as I have done in the past with such letters as the one you just wrote me.
At first like anyone else, I was pist at the way you wrote your feelings out to me. And then I reread it and saw my truths about myself I am TOTALLY aware of. And have already been, long time since, working with and healing from. And then I read your letter again, and then another time, and another few times more. All with new responses to each reading. With each one, getting me closer to my own personal feelings.
The main feeling I keep getting over and over again, is that the real truth of our "friendship" is that it has been 100 years since I last saw you. I have not been in your physical presence, nor yours in mine, at any time during all of our communications, after finding you again about 1999 or so. Our chats have either been on the phone, or most of the time in e-mail form.
Between all that was going on when we first hooked up again, your job situation at that time, TeddyBear and my own stuff, nothing ever really happened, where we actually physically got together. I think that, for me anyways, that has been a bit of a problem, that grew into a sore spot.
So in one way that I see it, is all we really had to go by was our OLD relationship of long long ago. Which didn't allow me, for example, to actually FEEL your grownup-ness. We just seemed to start where we left off, all those many years ago. Which wasn't really working for either one of us in our present states of being. But we also had nothing new to go by.
The fact of never having hooked up, not even for an after work dinner or a cup of java over a weekend, did not sit with me very well. Soon I got the feeling that you were not interested in hooking up at all with me. So your comments about us having more to talk about then my problems, seemed contradictory to your non actions taken.
If we had gotten the chance for an easy meet-up, we could have had the chance to talk about other things then what we had been, along with finally making physical contact after all the years that had passed us by. And then too, we could have even found out if we really liked each other now, or if things were better off left as they had been.
Instead you seemed overwhelmingly interested in taking a vacation trip together, and there seemed no way to talk about doing anything easier and cheaper, with you. Then the planning of the vacation hit another sore spot for both of us, another unhealthy angle, and well it became yet another mess. All done via e-mail's for the most part. Causing total misunderstandings and assumptions on both our parts. And as I saw it, since there was no real friendship in the Now, and nothing but our own preconceived notions about one another, we were doomed.
All this being said, there wasn't much of a bases, in my opinion, for much of anything between us to be healthy. We hadn't even started off healthy. And a real truth is that each of us, within our very own relationship have a very unhealthy role to play in it. My old habit of Victim and your old habit of Care Giver. That is in my opinion, the REAL bases for our unhealthiness.
Your choice to continually send me cards after years of not getting them from me, I see as being your choice alone. And in my opinion whether I send not one person a card or one person a card, or even 1,000 cards out to that many folks, doesn't make me a bad person. Nor does you sending cards every year to the people you want to send them to, make you the greatest friend on the planet. It has been your choice all these years to keep sending them, when you knew you'd more than likely not get anything from me. I will not take responsibility for your choice, in doing so over and over and over again.
And in that same space, I will take responsibility for my continued actions of responding to your emails of inquiry, with long winded, overwhelming emotional situations that were unnecessary to share with you, or anyone else under those circumstances. That IS the way in-which I learned what intimacy was. What closeness was between two people. It is all I knew how to do, and it was what I did, with everyone I deemed a close friend. I have since learned I have choice and that there are other forms of intimacy that are far more healthy. I did say this in my letter to you in response to your first contacting me, after your getting the ecard. I'm saying it now, again, in a different form that you might understand better. Either way, I will only own my very own part. And I will not spend the rest of my time trying to prove to you how much I have grown in a healthier manner.
I speak about the things that are important to me. Connections and their patterns, where they come from, and how to find answers within them. That is who I am. I do my best to be clear and make choices that share my present feelings with the people in my life. I do not, and will not try to be someone I am not, in order to help someone feel more comfortable around me. If they like me as I am, they make their own choice to stay. If they don't like me, so be it, they were a gift and surely brought to me an insight or two while around me, for how ever long they were near. But I do tend to call things as I see them. And try very hard to own my own stuff, while not taking on what is not mine.
We've been in an old and very unhealthy dance all this time. We are both doing the best we can in each of our lives. I don't expect you to be anything but who you are. But telling me how you think I should be or act or behave as a persons friend or otherwise, or even demanding it of me, is not a friendship I am going to be choosing to be within or live up to. I'm done with all of that.
I am who and how I am. When I learn better and get more insights to the taught behaviors of my upbringing, I do better and am healthier for the insights found. But that is who and how I look at things. And if that is not something you want to hear about, in making exchanges with me as part of building up a healthy friendship, then I say Thank you for having been in my life as you so have been. I have learned a lot. And I will ALWAYS hold you dear to my heart. I will continue to Love Buggy as my brother. I will love your Mother for how she treated me and let me into your family, when my own was pretty hard to take.
I wish you well as always and forever.
Everything happens for reasons, and we are where we are supposed to be.
Thank you NYC Sister of Long Ago.
Take Care and stay healthy, wealthy and oh so wise!
Love you forever, and always....
Pieces of Parts
"We must be the change we wish to see."
- Gandhi
posted by Pieces Of Parts at Thursday, December 08, 2005
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