Taught Sister Lessons
And MY FATHER, taught my Sister Very Very well.
On Nov 14, 2005 (two days after the grand event)
To: Sister
Sister,
Are you mad at me?
Pieces
------------\-----------/---------@
From: Sister
of course not. just busy, stressed, distracted and surviving.
------------\-----------/---------@
Blood-Sister,
I respect your feelings and what you are going thru.
But I gotta tell ya, i was very hurt by what I saw and felt coming my way, from you. Not even a Hello came out of your mouth at first encountering. I walked along with two people, both of which you gave wonderful hugs of Hello to. With me, no eye contact made, no hello and certainly no hug.
I tried a second time to approach you, and the same. No eye contact with me, but with others near me.
Very hurt, I gave up. And honestly did my best to deal with my feelings.
You only spoke to me briefly, at the very end of the day, when everyone was leaving including you. I was shocked that you spoke to me, and didn't really hear what you said.
I didn't feel I deserved to be treated this way. And part of me wondered if you were mad at me for some horrible thing I did, or said, that I didn't know anything about.
On top of feeling as I was, I found out the, devastating - for me, news, that MarcStBer died a horrible death only three weeks ago.
He died alone, in the street.
I am equally, trying to survive as well.
Pieces
------------\-----------/---------@
Alert from Spirit-Sister!!!!!!!!!
Her insightfulness of catching Shrink's phrasing about how patterns of behavior can evolve: Shaping Behavior
So I rewrote: Amendment
Blood-Sister,
I need to ask for your forgiveness.... I wrote my note to you this morning in the midst of feeling much pain. I really should know better. After having just reread what I sent off to you. just now, I see something I should not have said.
I am really trying to build a healthy relationship with you, and I was upset at not being able to connect with you on a very basic level, and extremely upset by what happened to MarcStBer. I should not have written what I did, and how I did it, to you. It was not my intention to try to manipulate feelings out of you. I am the one that is feeling scared, and know I am the only one that can help me not to feel scared.
The only thing I was trying to really say earlier, was that I would have enjoyed sharing some time with you over the Saturday celebrations, and was disappointed in not being able to do so.
Pieces
------------\-----------/---------@
Pieces
It was a busy and complex day for us all. I didn't really connect with anyone and rather understood my job as working to make sure that all of FirstNameofMother's friends understood the family appreciated their effort to come. That's the way it generally works when you are, in some sense, the host. Had I been able to stick around on Sunday, that would have been a better day. Another time, with any luck in the not too distant future.
xox
Blood-Sister
------------\-----------/---------@
Blood-Sister,
I respect the way you were looking at the event and what you felt you were supposed to be doing as being apart of it. I hope you had a nice time and I know, from what you stated after the evening dinner, you felt much. Your words were wonderful, and I dittoed them, while too emotional to speak my own self at that time.
Hugs,
Pieces of Parts
------------\-----------/---------@
------------\-----------/-----------@
This was awful. This was very very painful. This was public as well.
If anyone had really been looking, they would have seen her shunning me. Not speaking, not standing or really sitting next to me. I felt like I had the plague. Was too sick to even touch.
NO MORE!
Her actions spoke volumes!! And it was painful She'd done me like this before, with my artwork. Desecrating it, violating it, giving a hard worked on gift to her DOG!
I folded, heart broken, brow beaten, and now only give her Starbuck cards. Not even that really. I can't do it. I've been so and too heart broken. I've been choosing to keep myself safe. Helping to further her lesson taught, that I am invisible and not good enough, to even be spoken to, like the doorman of the building she walked into at the grand party these e-mails speak of.
This was a grand invisible time.
This was also the last of it.
No matter what, I must tread extremely carefully! With me first, all my feelings owned, the ones known and the ones still unknown and not owned as of yet. All steps respected. Nothing perfect, and not designed to be so. Dance in presence power - The "Monsters" are loosing their grip, and finding their feelings and using the new found words. Just stay present. My words are in there.
Stay with me Pieces, stay in your NOW.
Pieces of Parts
On Nov 14, 2005 (two days after the grand event)
To: Sister
Sister,
Are you mad at me?
Pieces
------------\-----------/---------@
From: Sister
of course not. just busy, stressed, distracted and surviving.
------------\-----------/---------@
Blood-Sister,
I respect your feelings and what you are going thru.
But I gotta tell ya, i was very hurt by what I saw and felt coming my way, from you. Not even a Hello came out of your mouth at first encountering. I walked along with two people, both of which you gave wonderful hugs of Hello to. With me, no eye contact made, no hello and certainly no hug.
I tried a second time to approach you, and the same. No eye contact with me, but with others near me.
Very hurt, I gave up. And honestly did my best to deal with my feelings.
You only spoke to me briefly, at the very end of the day, when everyone was leaving including you. I was shocked that you spoke to me, and didn't really hear what you said.
I didn't feel I deserved to be treated this way. And part of me wondered if you were mad at me for some horrible thing I did, or said, that I didn't know anything about.
On top of feeling as I was, I found out the, devastating - for me, news, that MarcStBer died a horrible death only three weeks ago.
He died alone, in the street.
I am equally, trying to survive as well.
Pieces
------------\-----------/---------@
Alert from Spirit-Sister!!!!!!!!!
Her insightfulness of catching Shrink's phrasing about how patterns of behavior can evolve: Shaping Behavior
So I rewrote: Amendment
Blood-Sister,
I need to ask for your forgiveness.... I wrote my note to you this morning in the midst of feeling much pain. I really should know better. After having just reread what I sent off to you. just now, I see something I should not have said.
I am really trying to build a healthy relationship with you, and I was upset at not being able to connect with you on a very basic level, and extremely upset by what happened to MarcStBer. I should not have written what I did, and how I did it, to you. It was not my intention to try to manipulate feelings out of you. I am the one that is feeling scared, and know I am the only one that can help me not to feel scared.
The only thing I was trying to really say earlier, was that I would have enjoyed sharing some time with you over the Saturday celebrations, and was disappointed in not being able to do so.
Pieces
------------\-----------/---------@
Pieces
It was a busy and complex day for us all. I didn't really connect with anyone and rather understood my job as working to make sure that all of FirstNameofMother's friends understood the family appreciated their effort to come. That's the way it generally works when you are, in some sense, the host. Had I been able to stick around on Sunday, that would have been a better day. Another time, with any luck in the not too distant future.
xox
Blood-Sister
------------\-----------/---------@
Blood-Sister,
I respect the way you were looking at the event and what you felt you were supposed to be doing as being apart of it. I hope you had a nice time and I know, from what you stated after the evening dinner, you felt much. Your words were wonderful, and I dittoed them, while too emotional to speak my own self at that time.
Hugs,
Pieces of Parts
------------\-----------/---------@
------------\-----------/-----------@
This was awful. This was very very painful. This was public as well.
If anyone had really been looking, they would have seen her shunning me. Not speaking, not standing or really sitting next to me. I felt like I had the plague. Was too sick to even touch.
NO MORE!
Her actions spoke volumes!! And it was painful She'd done me like this before, with my artwork. Desecrating it, violating it, giving a hard worked on gift to her DOG!
I folded, heart broken, brow beaten, and now only give her Starbuck cards. Not even that really. I can't do it. I've been so and too heart broken. I've been choosing to keep myself safe. Helping to further her lesson taught, that I am invisible and not good enough, to even be spoken to, like the doorman of the building she walked into at the grand party these e-mails speak of.
This was a grand invisible time.
This was also the last of it.
No matter what, I must tread extremely carefully! With me first, all my feelings owned, the ones known and the ones still unknown and not owned as of yet. All steps respected. Nothing perfect, and not designed to be so. Dance in presence power - The "Monsters" are loosing their grip, and finding their feelings and using the new found words. Just stay present. My words are in there.
Stay with me Pieces, stay in your NOW.
Pieces of Parts
posted by Pieces Of Parts at Sunday, December 18, 2005
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