Characteristics of Codependency (i.e. outer or external dependence)
This list was giving to me by my Shrink a number of years ago.
I find it extremely helpful when trying to identify a feeling.
Following is a commonly used list of characteristics of outer or external dependence.
1. My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval
from you.
3. Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses
on solving your pro blems/relieving your pain.
4. My mental attention is focused on you.
5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
6. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my
way.
7. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
8. My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
9. My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent
sharing your hobbies/interests.
10. Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my
desire,
11. and I feel you are a reflection of me.
12. You behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a
reflection of me.
13. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
14. I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want.
I am not aware - I assume.
15. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
16. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
17. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
18. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
19. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
20. I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
21. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
22. The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.
-----------------\-------------/---------@
The links below are a source of much healing,
with the feelings on the list above.
Inner Awareness - Internal Census
Emotional Incest - emotionally devastating child abuse
The Journey to the Emotional Frontier Within - emotional defense mechanisms
Inner Child Healing - a path to freedom, serenity, and empowerment
by Robert Burney author of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
I find it extremely helpful when trying to identify a feeling.
Following is a commonly used list of characteristics of outer or external dependence.
1. My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval
from you.
3. Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses
on solving your pro blems/relieving your pain.
4. My mental attention is focused on you.
5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
6. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my
way.
7. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
8. My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
9. My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent
sharing your hobbies/interests.
10. Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my
desire,
11. and I feel you are a reflection of me.
12. You behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a
reflection of me.
13. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
14. I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want.
I am not aware - I assume.
15. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
16. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
17. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
18. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
19. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
20. I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
21. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
22. The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.
-----------------\-------------/---------@
The links below are a source of much healing,
with the feelings on the list above.
Inner Awareness - Internal Census
Emotional Incest - emotionally devastating child abuse
The Journey to the Emotional Frontier Within - emotional defense mechanisms
Inner Child Healing - a path to freedom, serenity, and empowerment
by Robert Burney author of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
posted by Pieces Of Parts at Friday, March 03, 2006
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