CHOICE of Pieces

Subject: I Love You



I have made a decision and I wanted to tell you about it, so that you KNOW what is going on, and so that you also KNOW, I am not playing games.

I have decided to take your name off of my buddy list. I am NOT blocking you. NOT in IM nor E-mail, nor phone. I am just taking your name and it's photo off my online lists. I don't want to feel myself living vicariously thru seeing if you are online or not. Or if you are going to talk to me or not, whenever you do get online. I am now torturing myself. My Baby Pieces is being tortured by the God that to this day, doesn't want her. Which hurts me NEEDLESSLY over and over again. Keeping me in an OLD space, in an OLD pattern, and I feel it's pull to keep me stuck in my own taught behavior, of being Victimized over and over and over again.

It is over between us. I see that NOW. You left me, and then you just left us. You moved on long ago, and you have moved on even further, and are moving on again NOW. You are NOT coming back to me. You are not the man you were before Mobil. The change in you is dramatic and because we are not of-one, we are not working on this together, things are NOW totally opposite from what they were before the accident, and even while keeping in touch when you were working with VintageBiker and living with MSBay.

All the things that were important to you when I met you, concerning me, aren't anymore. Your actions have been showing that to me. So I feel tortured by the Pieces still looking for her Oily-Biker and he just ain't there no more. So I find myself in a state of torture, between what I had and what is NOW.


Example: you tell me you want to call me cause you have missed my voice. You do not. You have 2 cell phones. My Oily-Biker called, even with not one cell phone of his own.

Example: you say you are going to pay me back. You gave me your word. You do not. Not even an attempt to with even a small portion, even after hearing that my own funds were tight cause I put out for you. But you proudly talk to me of having two cell phones, both with monthly payments I can't even begin to afford, for just one of them. My Oily-Biker did just a bit better, at least he made mention and made some attempts.

Example: Everything seems to be ALL ABOUT YOU, and I am just in the dust. My Oily-Biker really showed me that he CARED, and really showed me that he SAW me, and really showed me how he FELT our connection and mirroring.


It just is what it is. You are who you are NOW. And your actions towards me, which have been nearly nothing, for far too many months now, speak to that fact. So I am just torturing myself each and every time I see you get on and go offline. Not good for me. Not fair.

Feel free to IM me as you so feel like doing or not. I will NOT ignore you. I will be just as I have been. Open to communication, and doing my BEST to not shut you out. But it will be up to you from this point on. I will just, no longer, be seeing you while you are online. Saving me, while giving us both the freedom to be how we are.

I'm sorry to do this, but too much has changed.

This is an EXTREMELY painful choice I am making here. You have been no longer keeping in touch. And this is the last way in which I have been able to see if you are even alive. But I must stop doing this, for me. You are fine. You are living your life. I must let go, cause there is also a terrible side to the worry, one of love that has long since passed me by. I Must Do things differently, just as I did the day we met, when I chose to do differently by touching your hand.

I see your soul Biker. I saw it from day one. I always will. I Love your Lonely. I am SO sorry that I am SO MUCH out of pattern for you, that it bites hard, both ways. But you are doing what you need to do for you. And I do hope, with ALL that is in my heart for you, that you allow yourself, to help yourself, to find your way. To finally help you HEAL and LOVE your Baby Biker. So you can finally allow yourself to have the SAFE SPACE TO LAND within your own self. The one, I know you have always really longed for, within yourself, and for your two sweet daughters.


Done out of Love for me, and for you.
I will, and really will.....Love you always,

Ur Pieces

"We must be the change we wish to see."
- Gandhi