Mirrored Pieces

Chapter Ten: Relationships

It seems all of life is relationships. We have relationships with everything. You are even having a relationship now with the book you are reading and with me and my concepts.
The relationships you have with objects and foods and weather and transportation and with people all reflect the relationship you have with yourself. The relationship you have with yourself is highly influenced by the relationship you had with the adults around you as a child. The way the adults reacted to us then is often the way we react toward ourselves now, both positively and negatively.

Think for a moment of the words you use when you are scolding yourself. Aren’t they the same words your parents used when they were scolding you? What words did they use when they praised you? I’m sure you use the same words to praise yourself.

Perhaps they never praise you, so then you have no idea how to praise yourself and probably think you have nothing to praise. I am not blaming our parents, because we are all victims of victims. They could not possibly teach you anything they did not know.

Relationships are mirrors of ourselves. What we attract always mirrors either qualities we have or beliefs we have about relationships. This is true whether it is a boss, a co-worker, an employee, a friend, a lover, a spouse, or child. The things you don’t like about these people are either what you yourself do or would not do, or what you believe. You could not attract them or have them in your life if the way they are didn’t somehow complement your own life.

Exercise: Us Versus Them
Look for a moment at someone in your life who bothers you. Describe three things about this person that you don’t like, things that you want him or her to change.
Now, look deeply inside of you and ask yourself, “Where am I like that, and when do I do the same things?”
Close your eyes and give yourself the time to do this.
Then ask yourself if you ARE WILLING TO CHANGE.
When you remove these patterns, habits, and beliefs from your thinking and behavior, either they will change or leave your life.

If you have a boss who is critical and impossible to please, look within. Either you do that on some level or you have a belief that “bosses are always critical and impossible to please.”

If you have an employee who won’t obey or doesn’t follow through, look to see where you do that and clean it up. Firing someone is too easy; it doesn’t clear your pattern.

If you have a friend who is undependable and lets you down, turn within. Where in your life are you undependable, and when do you let others down? Is that your belief?

I you have a lover who is cold and seems unloving, look to see if there is a belief within you that came from watching your parents in your childhood that says, “ Love is cold and undemonstrative”
undemonstrative: (not socially outgoing - withdrawn)


If you have a spouse who is nagging and nonsupportive, again look to your childhood beliefs. Did you have a parent who was nagging and nonsupportive? Are you that way?

If you have a child who has habits that irritate you, I will guarantee that they are your habits. children learn only by imitating the adults around them. Clear it within you, and you’ll find that they change automatically.

This is the only way to change others - change ourselves first. Change your patterns, and you will find that “they” are different, too.

Blame is useless. Blaming only gives away our power. Keep your power. Without power, we cannot make changes. The helpless victim cannot see a way out.

From the book: You Can Heal Your Life, by Lousie L. Hay

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Another wonderful perspective: The Mirror of Life by Shakti Gawain


Pieces of Parts