SHRINK GAVE ME HIS CELL PHONE NUMBER!!!
Subject: Shrink
Dear Sister Spirit,
Shrink told me that the SILENCE was ME needing my own space.
And NOW I know, have been learning, that it does not matter that my Mother doesn't want to make any changes, I can and have made my own changes and will continue to do so, no matter what she chooses for herself.
He wanted to know why i was afraid, am afraid at the even the bare, basic idea of talking to my folks - My Father?
That I won't be heard. That it will be about what they want, and only that. But mainly that I will not have a voice. Or a say.
I was asking Shrink how can I do these things without coming to him first and asking for "permission" to do this or that. Am I really supposed to totally trust my own SELF?
He said the person I am being AFRAID of, is ME. ME not trusting me.
That the ONLY person I have ever needed PERMISSION from, was ME!
So I need to give me the permission to stop the killing fields from happening. And that if the phone call does not go well, I can always call back and try it out a different way. I can get off the phone if it's going crazy and going into old spaces. Permission to take care of Me.
First thing he said, was the market is not going to move for probably a year. That THERE IS TIME. I told him, cause you know I feel FACTORY at work here. Yes. But there is TIME.
He said, the truth is that I need to know how much my Father wants to spend. That I can't or should not go anywhere else until I know that. So no need to go talk to anyone cause they will ask me that right off the bat. And if I do go to them with not knowing that, he said they will try to get as much money out of me as they can. By like only showing me things with big price tags on them.
After all he said, this is how they make their living. They have families and car notes to pay off too.
SHRINK GAVE ME HIS CELL PHONE NUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just can't believe it!! After all these years! This is the very first time he said that to me!!!
I couldn't believe it! I asked him why was he offering me that - he just said if I needed to talk to him - CAUSE ALL WE TALKED ABOUT WAS ME CALLING MY FOLKS.
He told me over and over again, that he checks his messages all the time, but that if I really needed to talk to him, to call his cell phone and that will get to him right away! OMG I'm just in shock!
It's another one of those moments where this ACTION of his, is telling me he sees profound change in me.
I would really like to have a chat with you some time soon. I can barely type this out to you now.
Just a lot on my mind, feels like it would be easier to just talk to you than keep trying to write you.
(I have a bunch of drafts that I don't even understand myself!)
This one is better than them thus far and I am going to send it out, otherwise I'll never get the message to you that I'd like to chat on the phone with you. Really an odd feeling going on over here!
Shrink said, that my standing up to Blood Sister - got my family to make, more than likely, the healthiest exchange we have ever had!
He liked the letters from my folks.
But he made me face whats the most scary, which just seems to be the way it's gonna be forever. THE MOST scariest thing is to make that call. BREAK THE SILENCE of my SAFE Place I set up for me to be able to do the work I NEEDED TO DO FOR ME.
I am gonna stop here.
I am just exhausted and this is just totally emotional.
I feel brain dead. Yet need my brain to think.
Going to bed for NOW.
Let me know when might be good for us to chat.
Thanks!
Loves,
Pieces of Parts
"We must be the change we wish to see."
- Gandhi
“To do so means that we, the three of us, can no longer be silent partners but must communicate directly. The silence must be broken, if only for the purposes of this discussion. And this discussion must happen sooner rather than later, before the market goes back up and the opportunity is lost.”
Dear Sister Spirit,
Shrink told me that the SILENCE was ME needing my own space.
And NOW I know, have been learning, that it does not matter that my Mother doesn't want to make any changes, I can and have made my own changes and will continue to do so, no matter what she chooses for herself.
He wanted to know why i was afraid, am afraid at the even the bare, basic idea of talking to my folks - My Father?
That I won't be heard. That it will be about what they want, and only that. But mainly that I will not have a voice. Or a say.
I was asking Shrink how can I do these things without coming to him first and asking for "permission" to do this or that. Am I really supposed to totally trust my own SELF?
He said the person I am being AFRAID of, is ME. ME not trusting me.
That the ONLY person I have ever needed PERMISSION from, was ME!
So I need to give me the permission to stop the killing fields from happening. And that if the phone call does not go well, I can always call back and try it out a different way. I can get off the phone if it's going crazy and going into old spaces. Permission to take care of Me.
First thing he said, was the market is not going to move for probably a year. That THERE IS TIME. I told him, cause you know I feel FACTORY at work here. Yes. But there is TIME.
He said, the truth is that I need to know how much my Father wants to spend. That I can't or should not go anywhere else until I know that. So no need to go talk to anyone cause they will ask me that right off the bat. And if I do go to them with not knowing that, he said they will try to get as much money out of me as they can. By like only showing me things with big price tags on them.
After all he said, this is how they make their living. They have families and car notes to pay off too.
SHRINK GAVE ME HIS CELL PHONE NUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just can't believe it!! After all these years! This is the very first time he said that to me!!!
I couldn't believe it! I asked him why was he offering me that - he just said if I needed to talk to him - CAUSE ALL WE TALKED ABOUT WAS ME CALLING MY FOLKS.
He told me over and over again, that he checks his messages all the time, but that if I really needed to talk to him, to call his cell phone and that will get to him right away! OMG I'm just in shock!
It's another one of those moments where this ACTION of his, is telling me he sees profound change in me.
I would really like to have a chat with you some time soon. I can barely type this out to you now.
Just a lot on my mind, feels like it would be easier to just talk to you than keep trying to write you.
(I have a bunch of drafts that I don't even understand myself!)
This one is better than them thus far and I am going to send it out, otherwise I'll never get the message to you that I'd like to chat on the phone with you. Really an odd feeling going on over here!
Shrink said, that my standing up to Blood Sister - got my family to make, more than likely, the healthiest exchange we have ever had!
He liked the letters from my folks.
But he made me face whats the most scary, which just seems to be the way it's gonna be forever. THE MOST scariest thing is to make that call. BREAK THE SILENCE of my SAFE Place I set up for me to be able to do the work I NEEDED TO DO FOR ME.
I am gonna stop here.
I am just exhausted and this is just totally emotional.
I feel brain dead. Yet need my brain to think.
Going to bed for NOW.
Let me know when might be good for us to chat.
Thanks!
Loves,
Pieces of Parts
"We must be the change we wish to see."
- Gandhi
posted by Pieces Of Parts at Tuesday, April 08, 2008
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